"You make me gay! Damn you!"
"But I didn't know I could do that!"
"It's true! And it's only around you!"
"You know what it was like? Archie having to choose between Betty and Veronica, and choosing Jughead."
"What am I?" *holds up hands*
"Yeah!" *hunches over* "What am I now?"
"I am the Queen of the Queers!"
"You know that if you sing 'Ding, ding, ding' and everyone around you finishes, 'went the trolley', they're all gay."
I talked to Res Life today. They've put me in a first-floor room in Arnold Hall for the time being. And there was much rejoicing.
Now I just need to get my friends to help me move some of my stuff over there.