like a psychotic rainbow (raindroproses) wrote,
like a psychotic rainbow

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NCIS hackfic. Ph33r.

I hacked a badfic. pekeana inspired me. Of course, I'll never be as good as she is at reducing the badfic writers' puerile egos to shreds--but practice makes perfect, right? ;-)

Title: Rock 'n' Roll [What the fuck does this have to do with the fic?]

Author: lightning-boltz [Ooh, you misspelled "bolts"! Your sOoOoO kewliez! *gags*]

Author note: This is a story which sort of popped into my brain, and I can’t seem to shake off. [What are you, a dog... erm, never mind.] It might be quite long, but I promise I’ll finish it as quickly as I can. [Stop threatening us!] I’ve always thought as Gibbs as the kind of guy who liked and would have liked to have kids, no matter how gruff and tough he may seem on the outside. [So do I. (Crap! I just agreed with the Suethor!) Fortunately, DPB seems to think that Mary Sue isn't a good daughter for Gibbs to have.] So, what if he was the guardian of a fourteen year old teenager? [I'd think his name was Harmon Rabb.] Well, please review, and tell me what you think! [This story sucks; you suck; go DIE, plzkthx.]

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, [Thank GOD!] and I use Donald P. Bellisario’s characters with respect. [*snort* Respect. Uh-huh. If this is what you do to people you respect...] The only character I own is Kay. [You can have her.]


Chapter 1: Introduction


If someone had told Gibbs he would be the guardian of a teenager, a couple of years ago, he would probably have laughed. [No, he probably would've glared at them and asked if they'd like to give up the name up their dealer.] And laughed. [You said this already, sweetcheeks.] And probably wouldn’t have stopped laughing, until someone suggested he’d had way too much coffee. [And then they'd be slapped upside the head.] Middle age crisis is something every middle aged man or woman goes through. [And you would know this how, exactly? Oh, and there's really no reason to repeat "middle aged"--and it's supposed to be hyphenated.] For some people its [Apostrophe, please. "It is."] depression or difficulties in relationships. For others, it can be something more physical. For Gibbs, however, the memories of relationships gone wrong and children he may have possibly had, nagged him... [Gibbs would be more likely to throw himself into his work, not dwell on the past. Have you ever watched the show?]

And when someone told Kay that she would finally have a slightly more permanent home, and placed under the guardianship of a reservist marine gunnery sergeant, currently a top NCIS special agent, she was horrified. [Dude. I wouldn't have minded. What's wrong with her? Is she some sort of delinquent?] Totally and utterly horrified. What had she done to deserve this? [I think the correct question is "What had Gibbs done to deserve an evil Sue foster daughter?" And do you even know how long it takes to get licensed to take in foster children?] Well, that’s great. Now, here she was, going to live with some marine. [Marine. With a capital "M".] Her friends were used to her moving around, and assured her it wasn’t going to be that bad. Somewhat apprehensive of what a change this was going to be, from living with old foster mothers, with another three to four kids, to a single man, kay found this was the best choice she ever made... [Can't even capitalize your own name? Well, at least you know your worth. By the way, just so you know--unless Gibbs made some major changes in his work habits, he would never be allowed to take in foster children. A man away from home 75% of the time does not a good foster parent make.]


Eight months later... [Time travel. How fun.]


“So, what does your name mean?”

“I absolutely hate it when people call me Abigail! [That was completely random. Thanks for sending Abby way OOC.] Only Ducky still calls me that. Anyway [comma,] it means “my father is joy” in Hebrew. Bet your name doesn’t have such a dorky meaning.”

“Ha, it’s not as weird as yours, but at least your name doesn’t sound like a letter of the alphabet. Kay means purity in Welsh, I think. Sir Kay was one of the knights of the Round Table in the King Arthur legend.” [And, if you've noticed, he was "Sir" Kay. As in male. So unless there's something you're not telling us, "Kay" is probably short for something else.]

Abby was testing a scrap of material, as Kay looked on. [Would they let a teenager into the lab?] They had taken to each other from the moment Gibbs introduced Kay to Abby. Abby’s gothic looks had surprised Kay, but Abby’s carefree and humorous personality, [You like to abuse commas, don't you? No comma here, jackass.] made her likeable to everyone. Abby grinned at Kay.

“Hey, I wonder what Gibbs’ first name means. And Tony and Kates’. [There's more than one Kate? I know a few people who wouldn't object to that...] Jethro probably means something really weird. [Why? It could mean "blue", for all you know.] I’m gonna look it up on the internet. [You do that. And let's all pray she gets electrocuted and suffers a horrible death-by-frying.]

“Shouldn’t you be doing your work?”

“Don’t have anything to do. Besides, the material is a polyester and synthetic wool mix. That guy probably had allergies, to wear synthetics.” [Or maybe he just liked how the clothes looked on him. I'm wearing synthetics right now, but I do own clothing made from cotton.]

Abby briskly typed a search for websites with name meanings, and came up with ‘Behind the ’. [Behind the what? The box? The table? The door? ...Okay, I know you mean "Behind the Name", because I have the site bookmarked.] She entered ‘Jethro’ into the name search box and clicked Search.

“OK, it means posterity, abundance and excellence. Nothing weird there.” [Really? So I suppose I just have a dirty, dirty mind, since I thought "What does he have in 'abundance'?"]

“Put in Leroy instead. That’s his actual first name.” suggested Kay. [Protect the innocent, comma.]

Abby searched for Leroy, and came up with a very interesting meaning.

“Ha, that so suits him!” snorted Abby. “French origin, and only one meaning. The king. [Oh, yes. That's fascinating.] So we have a king and a knight. Sweet. I’ll look up Caitlin and then Anthony. Oops, I nearly forgot Ducky. I’ll do Donald too.”

“Do Anthony first.”

Abby quickly entered in Anthony and burst out laughing again. She read out the meaning, between laughs.

“Anthony means worthy of praise, though it is sometimes claimed to mean "flower" from Greek anthos. Famous bearers include the 3rd-century Saint Anthony the Abbot, a hermit from Egypt who founded monasticism, and the 13th-century Saint Anthony of Padua, the patron saint of Portugal. [Heh. That is rather amusing. Tony, the monk. *snickers*] Better not tell him what his name means if he doesn’t already know.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t want Tony to get a big head about knowing he shares his name with two saints, and he’s ‘worthy of praise’.” Said Abby, straightfaced as she searched for Caitlin. [Comma where the period is; don't capitalize "said".] “Aaaand Caitlin means ‘pure, virginal, feminine’. That’s a cool meaning. Last of all [COMMA!!] Donald.”

“I reckon Donald means something really important.” ["I reckon?" Okay, most 14-year-olds would probably say "I bet" or "I think". Not "I reckon."]

“You’re right [comma] actually. [Fucking comma...]” Said [no capital] Abby, jabbing at the screen. “Donald means ‘world leader, great chief; brown stranger’. Ha, brown stranger. Hey, if this was a castle [comma] what would you be? I guess you’d be the knight, Gibbs’ll be king. I want to be the bad guy. Kate can be the damsel in distress.”

“You’re too nice for that. And Kate wouldn’t need to be saved. She’d shoot the damn dragon dead, before any knight got there.” [*sigh* At least you got Kate's characterization right.]

“Hey, Ducky can be the Merlin sort of dude. What about Tony? He’s too hinky to be a knight.” [Do you even know what "hinky" means, Stupid?]

Kay grinned. “He can be court jester.”

“Wow, I could just imagine Tony doing cartwheels, with bells on his feet and a crazy hat.” [Why wow? It's not that amazing.]

“What can you imagine me doing?” asked a voice behind them.

They both spun around to face Gibbs and Tony.

Abby grinned nonplussed. “Hey, your highness!” [I don't think Abby's ever shaken by anything. Well, not by Gibbs and Tony surprising her, anyway. Try looking up the big words, hon.]

“I don’t have time for this, Abs. I need you to break down this recording. It’s a bit distorted.”

“Sure thing, sire.”

“What about the material?” asked Gibbs, ignoring the ‘sire’.

“Well, your majesty, it’s like this -“

“So that’s why your [you're. You are. I don't think Abby really has a calling--unless it's to be the best lab tech she can be.] calling him all this!” said Tony looking at the computer screen. Gibbs went over to read over Tony’s shoulder. “The king, huh? That suits you, boss.”


“April Fool’s Day tomorrow, Kay! What are you up to?” asked Tony, grinning. [Agh! Time warp!]

“Well, I dunno, not much...” said Kay, not revealing anything. “I have to go to my guitar lesson, so I’d better go.”

“You’d better watch out, we’ve got no mercy here, when it comes to April Fool’s.” Tony sat down at his desk, watching Kay sling her guitar onto her back. [Why the hell would she be at NCIS HQ? Can't she take care of herself? By the time I was 14, I could.]

“Don’t worry, I have my plans.” She went towards the stairs. “You’d better watch out tomorrow.”

Tony leaned back in his chair, looking very superior. “I’ve got lots up my sleeve, this year.”

Kate spoke up. “I don’t know about that. Kay and I have allied ourselves with the Queen of Chaos herself.”

Tony gaped. “Abby? But that’s not fair! Three against one!”

“But we’re just girls.” Kate smiled wickedly. “Looks like it’s going to be girls versus guys, this year. Be afraid, [Either use a semi-colon, or end the damn sentence.] be very afraid.”

[I told you, don't THREATEN us!]

[I hate you. Can we kill the Sue now? Please? (I'd rather kill the Suethor, but I think she lives in Australia.)]
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