like a psychotic rainbow (raindroproses) wrote,
like a psychotic rainbow

FF: Beginnings and Endings

Title: Beginnings and Endings

Author: raindroproses

Rating: PG
Category: Episode reaction, vignette

Spoilers: Through "A Tangled Webb, Part 2"

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I don't want to, either--I think DPB is doing a pretty good job with them. :-)

Author's Notes: I had to write this. I wondered how Mac had gone from the woman who blurted her love for Harm to one of her co-workers, to the woman who told Harm that "things would never work out between [them]." The Harm-bashing in this isn't as strong as usual. It isn't even as strong as the bashing TPTB did in last night's episode.

“Things will never work out between us. We both want to be on top, and that's just not possible, physically or emotionally.”

And that's the problem, isn't it? Harm and I have been dancing around this subject for years. He resigned his commission to search for me. He risked his life to save mine. But we're both too strong-willed for a relationship to work.

What is going to happen to me and Harm? We've been friends for nearly eight years now. Yes, we've had our ups and downs--any normal relationship does. But we've come through them all still friends. My Article 32 hearing. His return to flight status. My engagement. His crash in the Atlantic. My appointment to the bench. That crack about my boyfriends--which he repeated yesterday.

Harm is one of the best friends I've ever had. He stuck by me through my rough times at JAG. After what we went through in Afghanistan, I thought we were really getting closer. But then... everything just started going downhill.

I love Harm. I always will. But as a friend--only a friend. The man will never grow up. He wants me to wait for him to come to grips with his feelings, but he refuses to say the words.

Well, I don't want to wait anymore. I can't wait anymore. I want a family. I want someone to love me for me. Like I said to Harm, neither of us are getting any younger.

Clay... he needs me. He said so. I need someone who isn't afraid to state his intentions. Who is willing to follow through on them. As much as Clayton Webb has been an irritating ass in the past, he is a man of his word.

What do I do now? I don't love Clay. I barely know the man. But... he's not frightened of me. He is willing to say what he wants. He isn't afraid to show his vulnerabilities. And that's what I want.

Will it work out? I don't know. But I hope it doesn't end on a sour note--like my friendship with Harmon Rabb.

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