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Respect the innocent comma

A tall woman, in her early thirties, was walking back from the shop, a blue plastic bag swinging in her hand, humming as she trotted along the pavement. As she was walking, the hairs on the back of her neck rose, leaving a tingling feeling down her spine. She ignored it and carried on walking, though her pace had slowed. She frowned as she thought she heard a whining noise. Still, she didn’t stop, she was almost back to her house and so she kept going. She did stop altogether though, when she heard the noise again.

Jeez! This person is almost as bad as Captain Carrot when it comes to comma abuse. Ten in a paragraph of six sentences. I don't know whether to go on and hope that the punctuation improves, or hit the back button as quickly as possible.

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Comments

_workinprogress
Aug. 13th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
well, at least about half of them are in the right place. I think. The extra commas confuse me.
irishlissa
Aug. 14th, 2006 01:59 am (UTC)
The first sentence is gramatically correct (at least I think so.) But the comma obsession is a bit much. The author could've made the first long sentence two short ones.

If I open a fan fic - no matter how good it looks - if the grammar is bad the back button is hit! I have no patience for those who can't spell or use proper vocabulary. A lot of us take the time to spellcheck, etc. our stories, so why not others?

::end of rant:: :P
raindroproses
Aug. 14th, 2006 02:08 am (UTC)
Technically it's correct, but would read more naturally without the first two commas. Or, as you said, as two short sentences. :-)

And after four years of reading fanfic, I've found myself grown a bit more tolerant of bad grammar. (Though given that it took my brain thirty seconds to come up with the word "tolerant", this may not be wholly true. *grin*)
majorsamfan
Aug. 15th, 2006 12:24 am (UTC)
Well, beyond the fact that she's walking in the first half of the sentence and trotting in the second...it appears that the bag is humming - or the hand is.

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